Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Why don't I care?

I don't know why, but it seems I've stopped caring about school. Not suddenly, but very gradually, this last semester. And it's such a shame I should stop caring now, because this is my last year. I only have to take two more exams (today and next week), and it's all done. So why don't I put in some effort and get it done with?
Maybe it's because I've already planned so much for next year. It will finally be something I really  want to study, a new start, all exciting new stuff. Not that I regret my decision of choosing this study, but it's not what I really want to be doing the rest of my life.
And it's not even like the material I have to study is boring or anything. It's actually quite interesting, and the teachers who gave these two courses are two of my favourite ones. The way they can tell stories always made me look forward to their lessons every Friday.
And yet, I don't care. I have an exam in six hours. So what? I've read half of the books we had to learn about, and summarized both them and the rest, and I know the stories. I know the connections. And I hardly studied at all. Maybe that's why I don't care? I feel like I already know everything?
But how can I not study? Third grade courses are supposed to be hard, and the exam is said to be a tough one. Still, no caring. I have to pass these two silly exams, or I won't be able to start my next year at the university, doing something I really like. No caring. I don't want to retake these exams in September, that will be unnecessary waste of this Summer. Error, care not found. And I don't. Know. Why.

Am I frustrated? Maybe. But not really. Scared? Not at all. Do I want to change how I feel, and start caring? I don't even know. All I know is that I'm glad the exams will be over in a week, and then we'll see. Maybe I'll start caring in a few hours, when I'm waiting to go in the classroom and take my exam. Maybe I won't. We'll see what the future brings, because right now, I really have no idea.

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